the pregnancy diaries, Victoria Jelinek


















If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters. Nora Ephron

I’m overwhelmed and exhausted and I’ve not even had the tyke yet! A caesarean is planned for me because the baby looks as though he’ll be too big (and at this point, he’s sideways). 
Makes me chuckle, ‘cause ‘trop grand’ in French (4kg) is not uncommon in the UK and America. As my brother said, “We throw that size back in the water!” 

I must admit to being relieved about the caesarean, but scared as well. Apparently, I’m to bathe in iodine just before going into the surgery. And, I’ve been told that if I don’t shave off my pubis, they will do it with a dry shaver on the day. Because I can’t really reach, or even see my pubis at this point, I went to the salon to have a wax. But after one strip of wax, it hurt so badly I couldn’t continue. The woman charged me nothing, sweet thing. She was likely happy to see the back of me (which takes about five minutes to disappear from view I’m so huge). 
I can’t sleep anymore. The doctor told me to sleep on my left side, something about oxygen to the baby being better when on the left, but when I lie on either side, the baby falls down to the bottom of that side and I feel as though my skin will tear it’s so heavy. 
If I lie on my back, I feel as though I’m going to be crushed. Lying on my front is not an option of course. Ah, and going to pee through the night. I’ve carefully avoiding drinking liquids a few hours before I retire, but it doesn’t seem to matter ‘cause I’m up every two hours.
I’ve begun to sleep in the guest room because I can use a bunch of pillows to prop me up on my side and my moving is keeping my husband up. He quips that at least one of us should be rested once the baby arrives. I toss and turn so much and am so huge that even my beloved cat doesn’t want to sleep with me. 
I can’t help but think that it’s an odd twist of nature – which is usually miraculously efficient – that a woman in her 8th month of pregnancy is unable to sleep given that once the baby is born she’ll be unable to sleep for other reasons. 
You’d think that nature would have divined a way to allow you to rest up just before you’re awake most of the night…

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