the Pregnancy Diaries (17) by Victoria Jelinek
‘I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.’ Rodney Dangerfield
I left Chamonix with a slight curve to my belly – nothing particularly noticeable unless you know I’m pregnant – and suddenly my stomach has exploded and I look pregnant!
It’s as though I’m a cartoon figure that has blown up an inflatable belly through my thumb or something.
My boobs, usually very small, have suddenly become full and round. I walked into a friend’s house and she exclaimed ‘Jesus, Victoria! Wear a bra! You look like a sow!’ Being flat-chested and, to this point, not in need of a bra, I’m startled to discover that I’m, arguably, obscene now without one!
In my shame, I scurried to Marks and Spencer and thankfully had a solicitous friend with me to help me to get the right size, so I’m now contained and respectably pregnant.
Being pregnant, I’m not drinking. I don’t judge those that do…if I were younger and didn’t have a history of miscarriages, I’d have the odd glass of wine, but I’m not taking chances given my age and circumstances.
As a result, I’ve been dashing about meeting friends and acquaintances for the inevitable lunches and dinners, and what I’ve discovered is that many of my pub buddies are dead boring when I’m not drinking.
Worse, these folks are irritating, and there is nothing worse than being boring and irritating. I’ve suffered through so many ‘existential’ confessions, sober, this last week, that I’m wondering if I was as bad pre-pregnant, or whether it’s truly ‘cause I’m not in an altered state?
Or, rather, not in the same altered state brought on by many late nights and midnight falafels…